Thursday, September 11, 2014

Three months out...

Mom died three months ago this past Saturday. What I know from working at an alcohol and drug treatment center for part of my life (no, that's not on my resume), is that grief comes in waves.  Much like the desire to take another drink or drug, the body also begs to be a drama queen if you deny it comfort and the ability to say, "I don't like this change."

For the most part, the grieving is worse at three days, seven days, and 30 days out. Then, I believe it skips to three months, but that three month one is a doozy. Then, six months, 12 months, and maybe eighteen months. I'll have to check...AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) times their chips in response to the body's desire to go back to that 'old life.'

That's just what grief is about -- the desire to go back to that 'old life,' where you could pick up a phone and call your loved one, where you could meet him or her for a daily cup of coffee, where you could count on that person to be there for you.

So last week, I had a bout of crying that about burnt my eyeballs out of my head. It was the longest, hardest grieving I had done for my mother to date. Then, yesterday, I recorded a voice-over for the book trailer that Michele Laroque is creating for me at Deep River Studio, and I had a couple more rounds of crying left in me. But, these bouts were short-lived, and I was able to go on with a strong voice to talk about what happened with my mother and me.

This is not an easy book to write. It hurts to write about my experiences with mom. But, I want so much for my experiences to help someone else. Now that I'm past the three-month mark, I have about three months before the next big wave hits...I hope to get a lot of writing done by then.

PS -- It ALWAYS helps to have a kitteh in the studio.Michele was very supportive and encouraging, too -- a great experience, really. Now I just need a local musician to lay down an original track for me. Yes, I'll pay. I just believe in local.